Thats it I'm done I don't want to do this anymore!

I give up I don't want Jack to have Cystic Fibrosis anymore!  I don't want to ever have to face the possibility that I bury my own son.  It's not for me I'm not strong enough, I can't go through this I have so much pain in just reading Sarah L Jones blog I can barely hold myself together.  I know many of you reading this have no idea what I am talking about and I don't know if I could really even blame you.  Two years ago I was a totally different person, I was invincible and so was everyone around me.  I don't know what to do I want a cure so bad and I just don't have the support that I need to feel that I am doing my part. I know most people even my facebook friends wont read this and thats mainly because its not them if they don't look my way they can somehow avoid it in their minds.  But lets face it people are still dying children are still dying from this terrible disgusting disease and there is nothing that I can really do about it except maybe stomp my feet around and try to grab as much attention as possible.  My son does not deserve this no one deserves to go through this bull shit!  This afternoon I went into Jack's room to find puke all over his crib, most people just brush that off and say kids will be kids, they get sick get over it.  I don't have that luxury.  (Applaud goes to you who does I was once in your shoes, I vaguely remember now)  Immediately my mind is sent into panic overload.  Especially when Jack clings to me after I pick him up out of his crib, he NEVER does that he usually can't get out of my hands fast enough.  Then he started falling asleep again in my arms and as I took him to my bed he remained lethargic and pale.  I changed his clothes and from then on it was like he was in a battle with himself, his mind wanted to stay awake but he was just too weak to move.  I don't like seeing Jack like this I hate being reminded of his disease on a daily basis.  I hate having to send him to bed without doing his night time vest because I have to wager which is better him being shook to the point that he throws up again, or let him go to sleep with possible mucus festering in his lungs ready to grab on to any bacteria it can.  I HATE you Cystic Fibrosis if you were a person I would have NO problem killing you with my bare hands.  Most people that see my blogs or my facebook posts quickly scroll down and try and wash away any negative.  Good for you, like I said I was there once.  You can only be invincible for so long.  I wish we could have the CURE today!  I wish we could've had the Cure two weeks ago when baby Shane died just a few days short of his April 23rd due date the odds were stacked against him being a premie and having CF.  I wish we had the CURE 1 year ago before 7 year old Conner knowingly celebrated his last birthday I HATE YOU CF!!! I wish we could've had the CURE before anyone had to DIE!!  "UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothings going to get better, It's NOT!"  We can't go back in time but we can raise as much awareness as possible and for you that are getting "tired" of my efforts to make my son Jack's lifetime a LONG-time you might as well de-friend me because as long as there is air coming out of these lungs I will promote Cystic Fibrosis until there is a CURE.