My wonderful "special" baby Jack

  So I have decided to write a blog for a few reasons.  Number 1 being that I love to write.  Number 2 being I love to talk/write about my son.  Number 3 I want to make Cystic Fibrosis a household name so when I tell someone my son has CF they say oh I know exactly what that is (and ideally they go home and give $5 to the CF foundation ;))  I have also been told I should right a blog so here is the moment you have all been waiting for duh duh duh duh....
 So I'm not going to hand out a bunch of facts like you could expect from a doctors office or the Cf foundation as it were, I am here to give my personal one on one daily ( possibly hourly, weekly, monthly, whenever the old brain has something to share :))
      We found out through routine prenatal screening that I was a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis.  Whatever that was, I hadn't a clue.  The geneticist assured me over the phone that the likelihood of my husband being a carrier was slim to none.  I barely even thought much about it when we went down for my husband to get his blood drawn.  We were simply ruling out any problems because we were going to have that perfectly healthy baby that all expectant parents dream about. 2 weeks later we got the results, My husband was in fact a carrier for CF.  All shaking and tears aside, I composed myself and scheduled an amnio ASAP at the Docs. discretion.  Twelve grueling days later I called the geneticist, while my husband was on three-way from work.  It was then that we were told the bittersweet news.  "All chromosomes are normal and the fetus came back positive for CF."
      "Do you know the sex" I asked through heavy tears and heart throbbing gasps.  "It's a boy."
    In all honesty, this is something I have never really talked about before but I figure nows just as good a time as any to get it off my chest.  Obviously I was completely heartbroken over the whole idea of "MY" baby having special needs.  Why me why us why HIM.  There was a lot of questions and no answers.  I was in a deep depression and I felt ashamed and almost embarrassed that may son was to be labeled as a special needs child.  I didn't know what I was going to do.  Should I hide it from people so they don't treat him differently?  Should I let them find out, what the hell should I know.  My mind was racing I didn't even like pictures of him getting his enzymes or getting his "pats" done and I definitely cringed when my family members would post pictures of that very thing on facebook or myspace.  I felt like we became outcasts that no one would want to be around a baby who was different.  I don't even like to say different.  I was an emotional lonely wreck and I still am sometimes when I think too much about it.   The truth of the matter is I had a lot of growing up to do real fast when my baby was born and I still have a long ways to go.  I am so amazed by Jack now and I could never imagine a life with out him.  When I say he is my hero it is because he truly is.  I have had to lean on him so much in the 17 months that he has been alive and he has made it so easy with how great he is.  I now realize I am NOT afraid to say my son has CF anymore I would shout it from the roof tops if I could.  It might not be to appealing so I'm going to first start here on this blog and if I think no one is listening who knows I might just end up being a crazy lady that stands at the Sonoma plaza waving a big flag that says CURE CF!  Who knows?  The point is I didn't know what kind of momma I was going to be was I going to shirk away from people and keep being shy and hope I would shrink into a crack somewhere under my floor boards or am I going to be an advocate as much as I can to make CF stand for CURE FOUND!  I'm choosing the latter...  Don't be afraid to comment I would love to hear feedback and have any kind of support sometimes all I need is a hug from Jack to make me feel like everything is going to be alright, but other support is always welcome.  Thank you for reading it has been a pleasure taking up your time ;)!!